I have been waiting. Waiting for literally over one month to hear back about starting the data collection phase of my thesis study. I have been feeling like my whole life was on hold because that's the only thing left to finish my master's program. This morning I even woke up and got coffee, per routine and then climbed back in bed until noon because I can't clean any more things while waiting for the email.
I couldn't book a flight to visit Curtis because I could be collecting data. I was scared to go to the Jamaica wedding because I could be defending those days. I couldn't do anything but wait. However, last week I booked the wedding trip to Jamaica and at 1 AM last night, Curtis and I (mostly Curtis) booked a flight to California in November. I just hoped that the timing would work out.
Last night, I sent another email to IRB asking about my study. This morning, conveniently, I had an email of approval in my inbox. Step 4,632 has begun, folks!
So, Actually, Ashley, just when you think you have time for craft days and long workouts and sleeping until noon. Your whole world changes.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Communicating Love
Some of us will feel most loved at the end of a phone call when those typical words, "I love you" are spoken. Others will feel it in a hug, or maybe an affirming "Great job!" Maybe others feel most loved when someone gives them a gift for no reason, or when they spend an entire day doing "nothing."
Just like any form of 2-way communication, communicating love can be a difficult art to master. While many of you are familiar with my current situation, people are often surprised to learn that Curtis and I don't really say that we love each other. In fact, we dated for nearly 3 years before those words were said from his mouth. I actually said it first, something I used to think I would never do. (Read this blog post for that story.) It's not something that I needed to hear in order to feel his love. Actually, I recently learned that "Words of Affirmation" are one of my lowest ranked Love Languages.
Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages changed the way I think about the communication of love . It's not a book that I was forced to read for a family studies class, it's not some strange thing I discovered because I have had the privileged to go to college. It's an everyday book that has changed the way I understand myself and others.
I learned that I primarily communicate love through what Chapman calls "Acts of Service." I wasn't too surprised when I learned this through the online quiz, but comparing my results to others it made even more sense. I communicate love through my actions. I enjoy volunteering for the jobs others don't want to do, sending essentials when needed, or helping with activities. I prepare freezer meals for Curtis, not because he wouldn't be able to care for himself, but because that's how I communicate love.
It is also helpful to recognize how others communicate love and recognize each others differences to be able to love each other in the ways they feel most loved. That could mean holding your partner's hand on a hot sticky day because they need "Physical Touch" or clearing your calendar on a Saturday and ignoring phone calls for a day because your partner feels loved spending "Quality Time" with you.
How do you communicate love? Take the quiz, and read the book, too!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Just like any form of 2-way communication, communicating love can be a difficult art to master. While many of you are familiar with my current situation, people are often surprised to learn that Curtis and I don't really say that we love each other. In fact, we dated for nearly 3 years before those words were said from his mouth. I actually said it first, something I used to think I would never do. (Read this blog post for that story.) It's not something that I needed to hear in order to feel his love. Actually, I recently learned that "Words of Affirmation" are one of my lowest ranked Love Languages.
Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages changed the way I think about the communication of love . It's not a book that I was forced to read for a family studies class, it's not some strange thing I discovered because I have had the privileged to go to college. It's an everyday book that has changed the way I understand myself and others.
I learned that I primarily communicate love through what Chapman calls "Acts of Service." I wasn't too surprised when I learned this through the online quiz, but comparing my results to others it made even more sense. I communicate love through my actions. I enjoy volunteering for the jobs others don't want to do, sending essentials when needed, or helping with activities. I prepare freezer meals for Curtis, not because he wouldn't be able to care for himself, but because that's how I communicate love.
It is also helpful to recognize how others communicate love and recognize each others differences to be able to love each other in the ways they feel most loved. That could mean holding your partner's hand on a hot sticky day because they need "Physical Touch" or clearing your calendar on a Saturday and ignoring phone calls for a day because your partner feels loved spending "Quality Time" with you.
How do you communicate love? Take the quiz, and read the book, too!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
The mysteries you find...
... in the washing machine. Every three months, I take the time to clean my washing machine. While most people are baffled that I would clean something that seems to clean itself, let me share some photographic evidence about why your washing machine needs a little lovin' every once in a while.
 |
| "Did you REALLY just clean that 3 months ago?" |
 |
| After a little love |
It doesn't take much to get this soap scum removed, but let me share the full process of getting a sparkly clean washing machine!
1. Run the hottest cycle until your washer is full and then add 1 quart of bleach. Close the lid and let the machine agitate for about a minute. Open the lid and leave the machine set for an hour, then let the cycle finish.
2. Repeat step 1 using one quart of vinegar. Except..
3. While the vinegar/water is sitting, use a toothbrush, scrubber, or your preferred scrubbing tool. I used a toothbrush to scrub off all of that junk while using a vinegar/water solution on the entire washer/dryer unit as well.
Hopefully my roommates will be so excited the washing machine is clean that they won't be upset I shared our "dirtiness" with the world!
Happy cleaning,
Ashley
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Student Loan Debt
I'm here to tell you that debt happens, and as much as you can try to avoid it and think it's stupid (See, Daivd Ramsey),
I didn't have another option. My parents provided me what they could, I
had ample scholarships, but I was willing to take on the debt because I believe in the power of higher education in society.
In the end, I graduated with a little over $27,000 in debt from attending a private liberal arts institution, with an AmeriCorps Education Award and my assistantship at Iowa State plus some scholarships to pay for graduate school.
What wasn't the best choice for me was taking a TEACH grant. After deciding not to teach at a specific school for a specific number of years, this was converted to a high-interest loan, which is what I have started paying off. I'm not paying it off because I have to, I'm paying it off because I want to and because I have been blessed with a wonderful job and part-time job that have enabled to me to so.
I have committed myself to making these loan payments after researching, thinking, and calculating if it would be worth it, and for those specific loans that are already collecting interest, it is. For those not collecting interest they can sit there and be all beautiful at the original balance.
I'm sharing this because I know many people google for hours trying to figure out if they should be paying off their debt. It's a very personal situation and the people who write blogs about it are typically the ones that are to one extreme or the other. Hopefully, I can offer you some questions to make the decision a little more concrete, no matter what you choose to do with your debt.
Here are some questions I asked myself before I began the journey of paying back some of my loans:
1. Can I manage to continue to drive my shitty Sunfire for a while longer? (Relate this to anything you have that you have been dying to upgrade.)
2. Will I put myself at a disadvantage? Will I have to eat ramen and never go shopping with my friends because I am financially strained?
3. Could I survive with the money I have in savings if I lost my job? (It is recommended to have 3 months of living expenses in savings, someday I will make another post about savings.)
4. Are there any major expenses coming up?
Answer these questions for yourself in an honest and open way. Your responses will lead you to your decision to put some money towards those loans, or to wait.
And a few strategies...
1. I was offered an extra 10 hours of work per week, I decided to put those dollars directly toward my loans because I had been doing fine prior to having them. If you find yourself in this situation, I think it has been a huge relief to me to see that debt go down every month.
2. Start with the smallest loan that accrues interest. I had three TEACH grants. The three values were about ~900, ~1600 and the other is ~4,000 at 6.8 percent interest. I was able to pay off the $900 in about two months and feel accomplished before jumping the next loan. While it would make more sense in terms of savings to pay off the 4000 dollar one, I wanted to feel accomplished and not drag myself down over it.
Share your experiences, thoughts and decisions toward student loan debt, comments are appreciated!
Always,
Ashley
In the end, I graduated with a little over $27,000 in debt from attending a private liberal arts institution, with an AmeriCorps Education Award and my assistantship at Iowa State plus some scholarships to pay for graduate school.
What wasn't the best choice for me was taking a TEACH grant. After deciding not to teach at a specific school for a specific number of years, this was converted to a high-interest loan, which is what I have started paying off. I'm not paying it off because I have to, I'm paying it off because I want to and because I have been blessed with a wonderful job and part-time job that have enabled to me to so.
I have committed myself to making these loan payments after researching, thinking, and calculating if it would be worth it, and for those specific loans that are already collecting interest, it is. For those not collecting interest they can sit there and be all beautiful at the original balance.
I'm sharing this because I know many people google for hours trying to figure out if they should be paying off their debt. It's a very personal situation and the people who write blogs about it are typically the ones that are to one extreme or the other. Hopefully, I can offer you some questions to make the decision a little more concrete, no matter what you choose to do with your debt.
Here are some questions I asked myself before I began the journey of paying back some of my loans:
1. Can I manage to continue to drive my shitty Sunfire for a while longer? (Relate this to anything you have that you have been dying to upgrade.)2. Will I put myself at a disadvantage? Will I have to eat ramen and never go shopping with my friends because I am financially strained?
3. Could I survive with the money I have in savings if I lost my job? (It is recommended to have 3 months of living expenses in savings, someday I will make another post about savings.)
4. Are there any major expenses coming up?
Answer these questions for yourself in an honest and open way. Your responses will lead you to your decision to put some money towards those loans, or to wait.
And a few strategies...
1. I was offered an extra 10 hours of work per week, I decided to put those dollars directly toward my loans because I had been doing fine prior to having them. If you find yourself in this situation, I think it has been a huge relief to me to see that debt go down every month.
2. Start with the smallest loan that accrues interest. I had three TEACH grants. The three values were about ~900, ~1600 and the other is ~4,000 at 6.8 percent interest. I was able to pay off the $900 in about two months and feel accomplished before jumping the next loan. While it would make more sense in terms of savings to pay off the 4000 dollar one, I wanted to feel accomplished and not drag myself down over it.
Share your experiences, thoughts and decisions toward student loan debt, comments are appreciated!
Always,
Ashley
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Communication
In both my personal life and my professional life as a Teaching Assistant for Human Development across the Life-Span, relationship health has been a major topic of discussion. Couples. Husbands and Wives. Friends. All of the interactions we have on a daily basis.
Research shows how unhealthy it is to bottle up our emotions. We talk about how to communicate our anger from a very young age. We teach children how to say "I feel sad when you call me mean names because it hurts my feelings." Instead of saying "You are a jerk!" Research shows that these statements, known as I-statements, are more effective in healthy relationship development. Partners can communicate, "You never take me on dates anymore," more effectively by saying, "I feel like we aren't spending as much quality time together anymore."
We talk about the importance of not bottling up our feelings because it's not healthy and can often cause an unhealthy eruption, as well as lead to adverse health effects. Primarily, these feelings are noted as being anger, frustration or other negative feelings that need to escape our hearts.
One I-statement personally overlooked, held-back and bottled up in my own life is an important one that is too often forgotten.
I love you.
It's awkward. Uncomfortable. Maybe a little disappointing if we are expecting a similar response that doesn't come. The dictionary definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection. That's a pretty abstract, relative, ambiguous, and subjective feeling. However, just like it's not healthy to bottle up our anger, it's also not healthy to bottle up our love. If you have been thinking for days, months, weeks, years, eons... that you could be in love with someone. Let them know. Give them that I-statement, without expecting a response. Get it off your chest.
Always,
Ashley
Research shows how unhealthy it is to bottle up our emotions. We talk about how to communicate our anger from a very young age. We teach children how to say "I feel sad when you call me mean names because it hurts my feelings." Instead of saying "You are a jerk!" Research shows that these statements, known as I-statements, are more effective in healthy relationship development. Partners can communicate, "You never take me on dates anymore," more effectively by saying, "I feel like we aren't spending as much quality time together anymore."
We talk about the importance of not bottling up our feelings because it's not healthy and can often cause an unhealthy eruption, as well as lead to adverse health effects. Primarily, these feelings are noted as being anger, frustration or other negative feelings that need to escape our hearts.
One I-statement personally overlooked, held-back and bottled up in my own life is an important one that is too often forgotten.
I love you.
It's awkward. Uncomfortable. Maybe a little disappointing if we are expecting a similar response that doesn't come. The dictionary definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection. That's a pretty abstract, relative, ambiguous, and subjective feeling. However, just like it's not healthy to bottle up our anger, it's also not healthy to bottle up our love. If you have been thinking for days, months, weeks, years, eons... that you could be in love with someone. Let them know. Give them that I-statement, without expecting a response. Get it off your chest.
Always,
Ashley
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Goals
"Goals. Why are we talking about goals, again?"
In graduate school I am learning we talk about goals quite a bit. For myself, I always have a long list of goals I am working toward. Mostly personal, some professional. I used to always think "Why are we sharing goals? These are MY goals."
There's a reason we share our goals. It helps us stay true. It holds us accountable. So, in lieu of being held accountable, I am sharing with my 70+ readers my current goals.
Professional
No terse emails. Yay to not sounding rude, mean, or short in emails!
Propose my thesis. 'Cause it's that time.
Personal
Quit drinking pop. For realz this time. If you see me running in some new shoes after October 21, that means I didn't drink pop between now and then.
Exercise at least 4 times a week, and vary the workout, so far Zumba, running, weights and biking. I get in such a "rut" of only running. Only running, terrible right? I find that if I run everyday, I get unmotivated because it's the same thing all the time.
There's more, but this is a good start to the accountability factor.
In other news, we made the Iowa 4-H Foundation blog!
In graduate school I am learning we talk about goals quite a bit. For myself, I always have a long list of goals I am working toward. Mostly personal, some professional. I used to always think "Why are we sharing goals? These are MY goals."
There's a reason we share our goals. It helps us stay true. It holds us accountable. So, in lieu of being held accountable, I am sharing with my 70+ readers my current goals.
Professional
No terse emails. Yay to not sounding rude, mean, or short in emails!
Propose my thesis. 'Cause it's that time.
Personal
Quit drinking pop. For realz this time. If you see me running in some new shoes after October 21, that means I didn't drink pop between now and then.
Exercise at least 4 times a week, and vary the workout, so far Zumba, running, weights and biking. I get in such a "rut" of only running. Only running, terrible right? I find that if I run everyday, I get unmotivated because it's the same thing all the time.
There's more, but this is a good start to the accountability factor.
In other news, we made the Iowa 4-H Foundation blog!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Grad Life
As I almost have "Week 2" in the books, I thought I would take some time
to share my experiences with being at ISU full-time as a graduate
student. I gave myself a little too much caffeine today, so I made lists
so my brain would focus better for all you lovely readers.
Life:
Life. Life. Life. It's different being on campus this year, but so far I like it! I have people around to remind me when I forget to do something, and I have the chance to go to research presentations and such. Also, I am only working 20 hours a week for my assistantship so that's supposed to leave me tons of free time, but I'll let you know where that time has been going once I figure that one out. I miss my AmeriCorps position and the youth, but
For those who know about the food count I was doing, so far I have had free meals seven times. So graduate school has other benefits as well. ;)
My classes:
Statistics 401: Well, our professor likes to talk about falling cats and lets us out of lab after thirty minutes. So there's that!
HDFS 504: Qualitative Methods. It's seeming really awesome. We get to conduct interviews and spend hours coding them!
HDFS 510: Family Theory. Theory classes, yay! We will be writing a theories essay, and I think my partner and I are focusing on the perceptions of substance use among emerging adults. Stay tuned! \
YTH 501: Foundations of youth development. A one credit course to knock out of the way.
My Assistantship(s):
Teaching Assistant: I am spending 10 hours a week with Dr. Baltimore and two other graduate students teaching HDFS 102, Human Development and Life Span... from womb to tomb as we call it. As you can see in the photo, there has been a lot of paper grading so far, but it goes pretty quickly!
Research Assistant: I am also spending 10 hours a week with Dr. Susan Maude working on a program evaluation. It's pretty exciting, and I get to work with some pretty rad undergrads (see what I did there!).
I hope you all love my amazing desk, and if you are in Ames, stop by MacKay 34 to say hi. I have already gotten rid of two cockroaches, so it should be safe!
Love always,
Ashley
Life:
Life. Life. Life. It's different being on campus this year, but so far I like it! I have people around to remind me when I forget to do something, and I have the chance to go to research presentations and such. Also, I am only working 20 hours a week for my assistantship so that's supposed to leave me tons of free time, but I'll let you know where that time has been going once I figure that one out. I miss my AmeriCorps position and the youth, but
For those who know about the food count I was doing, so far I have had free meals seven times. So graduate school has other benefits as well. ;)
My classes:
Statistics 401: Well, our professor likes to talk about falling cats and lets us out of lab after thirty minutes. So there's that!
HDFS 504: Qualitative Methods. It's seeming really awesome. We get to conduct interviews and spend hours coding them!
HDFS 510: Family Theory. Theory classes, yay! We will be writing a theories essay, and I think my partner and I are focusing on the perceptions of substance use among emerging adults. Stay tuned! \
YTH 501: Foundations of youth development. A one credit course to knock out of the way.
My Assistantship(s):
Teaching Assistant: I am spending 10 hours a week with Dr. Baltimore and two other graduate students teaching HDFS 102, Human Development and Life Span... from womb to tomb as we call it. As you can see in the photo, there has been a lot of paper grading so far, but it goes pretty quickly!
Research Assistant: I am also spending 10 hours a week with Dr. Susan Maude working on a program evaluation. It's pretty exciting, and I get to work with some pretty rad undergrads (see what I did there!).
I hope you all love my amazing desk, and if you are in Ames, stop by MacKay 34 to say hi. I have already gotten rid of two cockroaches, so it should be safe!
Love always,
Ashley
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