Communicating Love

Some of us will feel most loved at the end of a phone call when those typical words, "I love you" are spoken. Others will feel it in a hug, or maybe an affirming "Great job!" Maybe others feel most loved when someone gives them a gift for no reason, or when they spend an entire day doing "nothing."

Just like any form of 2-way communication, communicating love can be a difficult art to master. While many of you are familiar with my current situation, people are often surprised to learn that Curtis and I don't really say that we love each other. In fact, we dated for nearly 3 years before those words were said from his mouth. I actually said it first, something I used to think I would never do. (Read this blog post for that story.) It's not something that I needed to hear in order to feel his love. Actually, I recently learned that "Words of Affirmation" are one of my lowest ranked Love Languages. 

Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages  changed the way I think about the communication of love . It's not a book that I was forced to read for a family studies class, it's not some strange thing I discovered because I have had the privileged to go to college. It's an everyday book that has changed the way I understand myself and others.

I learned that I primarily communicate love through what Chapman calls "Acts of Service." I wasn't too surprised when I learned this through the online quiz, but comparing my results to others it made even more sense. I communicate love through my actions. I enjoy volunteering for the jobs others don't want to do, sending essentials when needed, or helping with activities. I prepare freezer meals for Curtis, not because he wouldn't be able to care for himself, but because that's how I communicate love.

It is also helpful to recognize how others communicate love and recognize each others differences to be able to love each other in the ways they feel most loved. That could mean holding your partner's hand on a hot sticky day because they need "Physical Touch" or clearing your calendar on a Saturday and ignoring phone calls for a day because your partner feels loved spending "Quality Time" with you.      

How do you communicate love?  Take the quiz, and read the book, too!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/